The RankinBass Special
by Kusco
Summary: Abed tells the tale of how BallerAnnie, Jeff-in-the-Box, Troy Soldier and their friends saved Christmas. Third part of my Community Christmas series.
1. Chapter 1

"Uncle Abed! Tell us a story!" Liza said.

"Predictable," Abed rolled his eyes.

"What?" Jack said, leaning up his pillows.

"The three of you were sent up here because it's past your age appropriate bedtimes while your parents continue to enjoy the Holiday party downstairs. Having me tell you a bedtime story, while a classic diversionary tactic, is the height of predictability. Audiences expect a twist these days, even when starting the beginning of a story."

"What?" Jack blinked, his thin eyebrows narrowing in confusion.

"Oh right…" Abed said. "Kids… to translate… I know you're trying to trick me into telling you a story to avoid going to sleep."

"Please Uncle Abed!" Liza said. "We love your stories!"

"Even when they're not on the tv!" Jack added.

"Hmmm now it's flattery," Abed said.

"We promise to be extras in your next thing!" Liza smiled brightly, her big eyes sparkling with just a hint of mischief.

Abed pursed his lips for a moment then glanced at the door, hearing the members of his old Study Group laughing at something Troy said.

"You're parents have told me I can't use you guys, even though your facial symmetry would prove optimal in one of my Hawthorne Wipes adds…" Abed said.

"We can convince them!" Jack said. "Liza can get Dad to do anything."

Liza merely giggled wickedly. What Jack said was by now, a well documented fact. Abed knew that much.

"Alright, I suppose I can give you a Rankin/Bass Special," Abed said, turning on the flashlight app on his phone and shining it just under his face. "But if I tell you a story you have to follow the rules."

"What rules?" Liza said. "How can you have a story with rules?"

"I hate rules!" Jack moaned and sank back in his pillows.

"These ones are easy," Abed said. "No interruptions, no crying if it gets too scary, and no, absolutely no nightmares after it's over. And I'll know if you do because your parents will get after me if you do."

And that was all it took. Both children sat up now, fully enthralled with rules that sounded more like a dare than restrictions. Abed thought for a second, not expecting it to fully work, he'd planned on at least another two minutes of backtalk to stall with while he planned the story.

"So…" Jack said.

"This is the story…" Abed said, drawing out his words in a pseudo dramatic fashion to buy time.

"The story of what?" Liza said.

Abed's eyes caught the Christmas tree standing in the corner. It was bedecked with all the usual trappings of any Christmas tree, nothing special about it. Except for one item caught his eye. An item that reminded him of another Christmas long ago. One very special to all of them, or at least that's the way he made it seem.

"This is the Story of BallerAnnie," Abed said with a smile, the narrative gears in his brain began to click and process.

"BallerAnnie?" Liza said. "But that's-"

"What did I say about interruptions?" Abed said.

"Sorry," Liza said, her chestnut hair falling into her face as she looked down at her blankets.

"That's strike one," Abed said, then leaned the light a little closer to his face to get their attention. "Now we can begin our tale…"

….

Our story begins on the most Christmasy planet of them all. Planet Abed. Now don't look at me like that, it's an actual planet, with mysterious doors that lead to all the other planets where Christmas is celebrated at. The North Pole is there because Santa can use the different doors to get to every world Christmas is celebrated on.

On one particular day, Santa was riding his sleigh across a frozen lake just below the Menorah Mountain. He was in a hurry because they were making last minute preparations for Christmas. The sleigh had just had some work done to it and he was taking it out for a test drive.

Just as he was about to cross the lake, his sleigh hit an unseen rock. Though he was fine, the sleigh jostled so fiercely that two things happened. First of all, a toy bounced out of his sack. Secondly, some of Santa's magic Santa Dusttm wafted out. The dust missed the toy but instead snowed down on something else entirely.

Now this would be a good time to tell you about toys and Santa's Magic Dust. You see there's a difference between the toys that Santa makes and the ones you buy in the store. Santa sprinkles his magic dust on them so that they come alive when you're not looking. It's the best actual way to explain the events of Toy Story and Jim Henson's The Christmas Toy. And just so you don't think I'm making a plot hole for later, Santa is every bit as magical as his dust so he can see the toys when they're alive t—

_Uncle Abed, we get it._

Technically that should be a strike two but you made a fair point so we'll wave that.

At any rate, the dust fell on a long discarded music box, frozen in the snow. When it did, the Ballerina inside it suddenly came to life and popped the lid open so she could see the snowy light for the very first time. The Ballerina was surprised to find herself not alone.

The moment she opened the lid to her box, she found a pair of drumstick nearly poking her in the eyes.

"Hands up!" the voice attached to the drumsticks said. "Don't make any sudden moves!"

"Okay calm down!" the Ballerina said and threw the box all the way open. She blinked into the light and then focused on the person threatening her.

"Who are you?" she said, taking in his uniform and drumset strapped to his torso.

"Hey hey!" he said. "I'll be asking the questions here! I'm Troy Soldier!"

"Oooh!" the Ballerina said. "Are you a real soldier?"

"Look at the uniform! I didn't earn these plastic badges for nothing!" Troy Soldier said.

"Neat!" the Ballerina said. "So what are you doing here at the Menorah Mountain, Troy Soldier?"

"I just fell out of… wait a minute! You're asking me questions after I specifically said I was supposed to do that. You're… you're really smart! Who are you?"

"I'm BallerAnnie," the Ballerina said as she curtsied. "I came from that box."

"Did you fall out of Santa's bag too?" Troy Soldier said.

"Who?" BallerAnnie said. "I'm sorry, I'm pretty sure I'm only about two minutes old. So I might be a bit behind the curve."

"You don't know who Santa is?" Troy Soldier said. "He's the best. He built me, and all the other toys here in the North Pole. Every year he packs us toys into his sleigh and full of us toys and delivers us to like… every kid in the universe!"

"That sounds amazing!" BallerAnnie said, leaping from her music box. "Where is he?"

"I got bumped out of his sleigh… but I think we were headed back to his workshop," Troy Soldier said. "He won't leave until it's Christmas."

"If we hurry maybe we can get into his sleigh and get delivered with the rest of them," BallerAnnie said and started off.

"Um… excuse me," Troy Soldier tapped his feet in the snow until BallerAnnie noticed he wasn't following.

"What?" she said.

"Clearly you're new to this whole… adventurous journey thing," Troy Soldier said. "But you don't even know which way the Santa's workshop is."

"I guess I am new to it," BallerAnnie shrugged. "Have you gone on adventurous journeys before?"

"Um… have you seen me? I have a drum," Troy Soldier puffed his chest out.

"Okay, so…" BallerAnnie said. "Which way do we go?"

"That way!" Troy Soldier said and pointed in the exact same direction BallerAnnie had been heading.

"Uh huh," she raised an eyebrow but then smiled as Troy Soldier joined alongside her. Deep down she had a feeling they would become good friends… like Buzz and Woody type friends!

Together the pair set out, not knowing just how dangerous their little adventure was about to become. For you see, far away, in his ice castle, the evil Christmas Warlock Duncan watched them, aware of their quest to return to Santa. Duncan had left a promising career in psychology to study the Dark Arts as a way of nursing a grudge he had against the Jolly Old Elf for giving him a lump of coal one year instead of his true heart's desire. He had a regular Grinch-complex when it came to Christmas and wanted nothing more than to destroy it by any means.

Conjuring up a violent snow storm, he sent it flying their way until it blasted all around them. Troy Soldier and BallerAnnie soon lost their way in the blizzard. Each step they took seemed a little harder than the last. Each moment they remained in the snow, they had to blink snowflakes from their eyes and try to see just a couple of feet ahead of them.

It was BallerAnnie that spotted shelter first. Grabbing Troy Soldier's arm she started guiding him toward a cave in a nearby hill. He stopped her however, shaking his head at the sight of the dark and gloomy cave.

"We can't go in there!" he said. "It's too dangerous, I heard there's a terrible beast that lives there!"

"We can't stay out here!" BallerAnnie yelled back. "Our joints will freeze!"

Troy Soldier cartoonishly gulped back his fear but followed BallerAnnie into the cave. He didn't want to become a Troy Soldiercicle.

Once inside, the two toys started rubbing their arms and legs, trying to warm up. Sure the cave didn't exactly have central heating or a fireplace, but they were out of the wind. Troy Soldier kept glancing over his shoulder, wary of the horrible beast that might attacking them at any moment.

"It's times like this that I wish I had a gun," he muttered. "Or maybe a trumpet… or a trumpet/gun/coffeemaker."

"So you can offer the beat a cappuccino?" BallerAnnie said.

"I don't know! Anything's better than a drumset! I need to ask Santa for something cooler when we get to his workshop."

At the mention of Santa's workshop there was a tremendous growl off in the depths of the cave. Troy Soldier immediately toppled backwards and held his drumsticks together like a cross.

"Is the beast a vampire?" BallerAnnie said, taking a step back of her own.

"Either that or a Dracula," Troy Soldier said. "Either way I'll be prepared."

The growling grew louder and louder as it drew nearer. BallerAnnie looked above her and saw a big icicle hanging from the ceiling. Using her superior ballerina jumping skills she leaped up and grabbed it, so she could wield it like a club.

Just as she did, a shadow appeared on the cave wall. The beast was nearly to them. They had the storm to their backs and the beast before them, they had no choice but to stand their ground.

Moments before the beast turned a corner to devour them, they heard another sound. A rhythmic squeaking sound… almost as though someone was wearing clownish squeaking shoes. At this Troy Soldier grew even more terrified.

"We have to run!" he said. "It sounds like it's a Clown Dracula!"

But it was too late. Before either of them could run, the beast rounded the corner to reveal… Teddy Pierce. But just because he was ewok size and completely adorable, didn't mean he wasn't incredibly grumpy and crotchety.

"Get out of my cave you kids! Can't you read the sign?" he bellowed.

But this had no effect on BallerAnnie.

"Oh my gosh he's so cute!" she squealed, rushing over to him. "Look at him! Look at his bow!"

"Now wait just a darn minute!" Teddy Pierce adjusted his glasses. "I'm a terrifying bear! You're supposed to be afraid of me."

"I still am…" Troy Soldier muttered.

"How can we be afraid of you?" BallerAnnie knelt in front of Teddy Pierce so they were eye to eye. "You might just be the most adorable thing I've ever seen!"

"To be fair," Troy Soldier said. "She's only seen me and some trees."

"Well…" Teddy Pierce blushed a bit. "My mom did used to say I was the handsomest cub at bear school."

"Ew," Troy Soldier muttered.

BallerAnnie straightened Teddy Pierce's bow and sat back a bit. "We were just on our way to the North Pole, but had to crash in this cave for safety when the storm hit. Do you mind if we stay?"

"You're going to Santa's Workshop?" Teddy Pierce said. "Did you know this cave is a shortcut? At least I think it is."

"Really?" BallerAnnie said. "Do you wanna come with us? We're going to have Santa give us away as presents!"

"I'm gonna get a gun," Troy Soldier said. "Then he's going to give me to some awesome kid and we'll have super dope adventures!"

"Hey yeah, and I could be given to a leggy blonde that needs a boyfriend but only has me," Teddy Pierce said. "Well what are we waiting for then? Let's go! I have a whole list of things I want!"

"Excellent!" BallerAnnie clapped her hands together and the new trio started going through the cave.

Teddy Piece led the way, all the while regaling them with tales of his long years of… bear-er-ing around on Planet Abed. Mostly it was just him telling them about how much his father was mad that he hadn't been a polar bear. Still, BallerAnnie and Troy Soldier remained polite. Troy Soldier even got into a fun conversation that involved debating the merits of the "Batman Smells" variation of "Jingle Bells."

When they finally came out of the cave, BallerAnnie had become very excited. According to Teddy Pierce, they would step right out and there would be Santa's Workshop. However, when they did step into the light, they didn't see Santa's workshop but instead a large building covered in crosses.

"What the heck is this?" Troy Soldier said.

"This isn't Satan's workshop?" Teddy Pierce said.

"_Santa's_ workshop!" BallerAnnie said. "And this wouldn't even be Satan's workshop! Are you sure you knew this was going to take us to Santa's?"

"Or maybe you just forgot," Troy Soldier said.

"Of course I didn't forget!" Teddy Pierce said. "Someone must have come and changed the cave while you were jibber jabbering about Batman!"

BallerAnnie sighed and pressed forward, heading toward the building.

"Where are you going?" Teddy Pierce squeaked behind her.

"I'm gonna ask directions," BallerAnnie shrugged. "Whoever lives there might know the way."

"Makes sense," Troy Soldier said.

"Yeah…" Teddy Peirce followed behind reluctantly. "If you think with your uterus."

"None of us even know what that is!" Troy Soldier said as they neared the building.

Upon entering, they found a children's choir singing Christmas carols, walls covered in tinsel and wreaths, and at the far end, a massive throne flanked by two Christmas trees on either side. Seated on the seat, with a cup of coco in one hand and candy cane scepter was a baby doll.

"Merry CHRISTmas," She said. "I'm Queen Shirley, the queen of Christmas."

"There's a queen of Christmas?" Troy Soldier said. "I spent way too much time in Santa's bag."

"Here in Shirley's Christmas court it's always Christmas, but only the good parts with live mangers, bible studies, and long sermons about the true reason for the season."

"How can you be a queen?" Teddy Pierce said. "You're a baby doll!"

All the Christmas cheer immediately vanished from her face and the children's choir whipped out machine guns and aimed them at Teddy Pierce.

"Wanna rephrase that," Baby Doll Shirley said. "Because no one calls me a baby!"

"Really?" Teddy Pierce said. "But you're wearing a diap-"

"What he means… your majesty," BallerAnnie stepped forward. "Is that we're so happy to be here and we were wondering if you might know the right way to the Santa's Workshop."

"Finally, someone that has a few manners," Baby Doll Shirley said. "And yeah, I suppose I could show you the way to Santa's Workshop, but why would you want to go there? Here we have the only things you could ever want for Christmas."

"But we don't want anything for Christmas," BallerAnnie said. "We just want to get on Santa's sleigh so he can deliver us to little boys and girls as presents."

"Hmmm, I don't know…" Baby Doll Shirley said. "… but I do suppose that it would be the Christian thing to do. But the question I have for you is… why?"

"Why what?" Troy Soldier said.

"Why do you want to be presents? What makes it important? I know what makes the holiday important… but do you? And what does being a gift have anything to do with it?"

"I… I don't know…" BallerAnnie said. "I've only been alive for a little while and Troy Soldier told me about it. But when I think about being in a present and making some little girl happy when she opens up the gift… that just seems really good. Does that make sense?"

"Who do you think you're talking to?" Baby Doll Shirley said. "Of course it makes sense to me! I'm the Queen of Christmas! And I can tell you what gift giving is all about this time of year. It's because of a very special gift named-"

"Duncan the Christmas Warlock!" Troy Soldier blurted out.

"No, it's… wait… the Warlock is here?" Shirley said and the children's choir scattered.

Outside the window, Duncan stood in his full wizard attire. The very snow around him turned black because of how dark and unchristmasy his heart was. Baby Doll Shirley stood from her throne and marched toward the door.

"Oh, I don't need this!" Teddy Pierce said.

"He's probably the one that sent the blizzard," BallerAnnie said. "We have to get out of here!"

"I may have a way but I don't want to use it unless I absolutely have to," Shirley said. "But let's see if we can't reason with him. Maybe even Ebenezer Scrooge his scrawny backside!"

Warily, they ventured out. Duncan remained perfectly still, almost as if the animators were trying to save money and time and realized that they could just make him look intimidating by just standing there and not move.

"What brings you to my door?" Baby Doll Shirley said. "This is a place of peace."

"And it can keep being so," Duncan said. "As soon as the three delinquents you have here agree to come work for me and give up their misguided dream of being someone's Christmas gift. It's sickening."

"What do you have against us being presents?" BallerAnnie said. "What do you have against Christmas?"

"That's covered better in other mediums," Duncan growled. "All that's important for you to know is that I'm here to stop you."

"Oh yeah?" Teddy Pierce said. "You and what army?"

"I don't need an army," Duncan said. "I'm a Christmas Wizard, and I'm going to send you to a horrible place where you'll never be able to get to Santa's workshop."

With that, Duncan pulled out a remote control and his horrifying Christmas Pterodactyl swooped down and scooped them all up! The festive dinosaur flew them high into the air, all the while they kicked and screamed, (Troy Soldier did most of the screaming) until finally it dropped the high from the sky.

Luckily they landed in some very thick snow drifts. But now they were further from their goal than ever. BallerAnnie pulled herself from the snow and looked around. There was water on either side of them and a chill wind came from the waves. It was pretty much about as bleak as you could get on a holiday special.

"Ugh… where are we?" Troy Soldier muttered as he got up, his eyes still spinning.

"What a dump," Pierce said, noticing some piles of toys lying around. "Did he send us to Detroit?"

"Uh-huh," a sarcastic voice came and they all turned to see a newcomer watching them.

"It's a Jack-in-the-box!" BallerAnnie said.

"No, I'm a Jeff-in –the-Box," he said, folding his arms and bouncing a little on his spring. "You think a Jack-in-the-Box would be caught dead in a place like this?"

"Wait a minute…" BallerAnnie looked around. "Water on all sides… a Jeff-In-the-Box… are we on the Island of Misfit toys?"

"Might want to check right behind you, there's land," another voice came and a robot appeared. "You think any of us would be lucky enough to go to the Island of Misfit Toys?"

"Who are you?" Troy Soldier said to the blonde robot.

"That's Brittabot," Jeff-in-the-Box said. "And you're on the Peninsula of Douchebag Toys."

Baby Doll Shirley raised a brow. "So… you're like the Island of Misfit Toys but…"

"But while kids will play with a Charlie-in-the-Box even though he has the wrong name," Jeff-in-the-Box said. "They won't play with me just cause I'm willing to let them know that even if their lives suck now, they can always suck more."

"Especially if you live in New York," Brittabot said.

"Where?" Troy Soldier asked.

"Please don't encourage her," Jeff-in-the-Box said but to no avail, within seconds the small group erupted into arguing and backbiting.

"You're just jealous because you haven't been anywhere ever,"

"Maybe, but if I did go somewhere I wouldn't name drop it in every conversation just to brag about having been there,"

"I once ate a bearclaw that came from Chicago… I wasn't nearly as conflicted about it as I thought I would be."

"Will you all stop arguing! It's Christmas and you'll give Baby Jesus a headache!"

"I don't even know you guys and your fighting is making me cry! I'm a soldier!"

"You guys!" BallerAnnie finally shouted over the din. The other toys sentences petered out as she'd managed to get their attention.

"Look, I know that this isn't a place any of us want to be, but standing around and arguing about it with complete strangers isn't going to help," She said.

"Have you looked at this place?" Jeff-in-the-Box said, gesturing to their surroundings. "It's a peninsula filled with junk that nobody in their right mind would want. What else are we supposed to do? I'm sick of arguing with just her and SnowChang."

"Who?" Teddy Pierce said.

"Nevermind," Jeff-in-the-Box said. "The point is… we might as well argue because no one else wants us. And why would they? A baby doll with obvious rage issues, a toy soldier with a drum instead of a gun, a teddy bear with a perverted old man's head, and a ballerina without a music box. I don't know about you but that doesn't exactly say Hallmark Christmas to me… that doesn't even say Lifetime Channel Christmas!"

"I don't know," Brittabot muttered. "You are kind of a pig."

"Oh yeah, I forgot to mention the robot that won't shut the heck up," Jeff-in-the-Box said then turned back to BallerAnnie. "Look, I don't know how you got here, but even if you leave, it's not like you'll be on the short list of presents Santa's giving away."

BallerAnnie met Jeff-in-the-Box's stare and then blinked and cast her eyes at her companions. Clearly his words had affected them as they all seemed downtrodden and discouraged. She had to admit that even she thought that Jeff-in-the-Box's speech made sense. What child would want her without her music box?

But as her eyes roamed about peninsula, lingering on the scrap heaps, she found her resolve strengthening. There was a way forward… she knew it.

"Maybe Jeff-in-the-Box is right," she said. "But you know what? I was brought to life by Santa's magic and I can't believe that was an accident. Our entire plan was to get to Santa's workshop. You know why? Because if anyone in the whole world would be able to find a place for toys like us… it's Santa! And we can get to him faster than ever."

"How?" Brittabot said.

"Look around you!" BallerAnnie said. "Look at all this stuff! We can build a boat! With it we can sail up the Tinsel Sea, go through the Hot Chocolate strait and land…"

"… In Jehovah's Witness Bay!" Troy Soldier said.

"From there, we can hitch a ride onto the Candy Express and ride it all the way to Santa's workshop!" BallerAnnie said.

"Holy Chestnuts with cranberry sauce!" Baby Doll Shirley cried out. "That little Ballerina might be on to something!"

"Well what are you all standing around for?" Brittabot said. "Let's get to work!"

"Hey wait!" Jeff-in-the-Box bounced after them. "You guys are being ridiculous! It will never work!"


	2. Chapter 2

But it didn't matter how many different ways Jeff-in-the-Box tried to tell them that it was useless, they proceeded to collect the junk and patch it together until they had built a rather impressive patchwork ship. The final piece, something from a discarded playhouse, they put on the hull as a name. Apparently the playhouse had been made by a "Greendale" company. So their ship was the _Greendale_.

Jeff-in-the-Box could only shake his head and follow them on. As much as he had moaned and complained. He wanted away from the peninsula as much as the rest of them. Soon enough they cast off and began charting their course, relying on the built in GPS installed in Brittabot to guide them. Baby Doll Shirley volunteered to be both the ship's Captain and Cook and she provided them all with hot coco and sandwiches. Troy Soldier, in the meantime got to know Brittabot, even teaching her all about how to rap while wrapping.

They made good time; a journey that normally would have taken them weeks was now going to only take a matter of days. They'd get there just in time for Christmas. Every night, BallerAnnie stayed up top of their ship and rehearsed the speech she was going to give Santa to let him know that he had to be extra careful which kids he gave them to.

She'd taken time to get to know each of their group so she could tell Santa what they were all best at. Troy Soldier was funny, Brittabot was passionate, Baby Doll Shirley was hardcore, Teddy Pierce was cute when he wasn't trying to be, and Jeff-in-the-Box… well she was working on that one.

On the night before their voyage would end, BallerAnnie stood at the front of the ship, reciting the parts of her speech that she had worked out when she heard a now familiar bouncing noise come up from behind her. She had just reached the part where she was supposed to talk about Jeff-in-the-Box but hadn't quite worked out what she would say.

"Don't worry about me," Jeff-in-the-Box said. "Once Santa sees the money maker he'll give me to some stylish kid who will try to model his looks after me."

BallerAnnie chuckled and sat down on the rail of the boat as Jeff-in-the-Box bounced alongside her.

"I gotta say, I thought you were kinda crazy when we first met," he said. "And I still think you a bit are. But we're actually getting pretty close. Closer than I thought we could. Good work."

"We all pitched in," BallerAnnie said. "And that's why we're going to succeed. Because that's what Christmas is about. No matter how cold and dark the nights are, people just work harder to shine the light and make each other merrier."

"Wow, Santa must have hit you with an extra large dose of that magic Christmas dust," Jeff-in-the-Box said in a sarcastic monotone, but the edges of his lips kept threatening to turn up into a smile.

"You believe it too," BallerAnnie said. "You're just afraid to admit it."

"Maybe," Jeff-in-the-Box said. "But I'm not discounting the extra dust theory just yet."

Again BallerAnnie laughed and the two stared off into the moonlight and enjoyed the extra cinammonny air that came from the sea. BallerAnnie glanced over at Jeff-in-the-Box and had to suppress a small smile to see the way his spring swayed with the rocking of the boat.

"You know maybe if we pull this off," Jeff-in-the-Box said, some of his usual sarcastic tones dropping just a bit. "Maybe we can ask Santa if he could find a place for us to be together… all of us."

"I'd like that," BallerAnnie said. "There has to be some stylish kid out there that likes stylish Jeff-in-the-Boxes and ballerinas."

Now don't look at me like that Jack. I know you're genre savvy enough to know that these two were having a moment. But luckily for you it couldn't last. For you see, moments after they said this, Duncan's bad ship BlowPop came over the horizon. He'd had it built and set sail as soon as he learned of their plan.

BallerAnnie and Jeff-in-the-Box tried to alert the other s but by then Duncan had already launched his Mistletoe Missiles at them. The world around them exploded in red and green and their boat rocked to and fro violently. The other toys came out with buckets to try and bail out the water but they were hit by another barrage.

The world spun and BallerAnnie felt herself plunge into the depths of the water. She tried to swim but the water tossed and turned too much and she couldn't help but go under until everything went black.

When she came to, she was on the frozen beach of Jehovah's Witness Bay. The others lay there too, coughing, soaked, and frozen, but alive. But as she pulled herself up she noticed one of them… laying too still.

"Brittabot!" Troy Soldier squeaked and ran to her before the others could.

Water leaked from Brittabot's metal body and the occasional spark flew from her frame. Troy Soldier started mashing buttons but nothing happened. Brittabot's eyes remained closed and no sounds of her gears could be heard even trying to move. Troy Soldier started crying but not even magic Christmas tears would reactivate her. She'd completely short circuited.

"Duncan!" Jeff-in-the-Box started calling out. "Duncan come use your magic! This wasn't what we agree on!"

"Jeff-in-the-Box?" BallerAnnie turned to him along with the others.

The toy suddenly noticed the others were looking at him and he took a single bounce backwards… realizing what he had just said.

"What do you mean this wasn't what you agreed on?" Troy Soldier said.

"Have… have you been working with Duncan?" Baby Doll Shirley said.

"I… I can explain," Jeff-in-the-Box said, bouncing back again. "Duncan promised to change me into a Jack-in-the-Box if I cooperated. But I didn't know he was going to try and sink us! I didn't know this would happen!"

"Let me at him!" Teddy Pierce jumped at the other toy. "Brittabot was weird but she didn't deserve to be the first toy to die ever!"

Baby Doll Shirley held Teddy Pierce back but she looked just about ready to assault Jeff-in-the-Box too.

"How… how could you?" BallerAnnie said. "All this time you've been lying to us? Was all that stuff about being put in the same home a lie too?"

"Of course not!" Jeff-in-the-Box said. "You have to believe me that I didn't want this. But I had to do it! I know all of you buy into this idea that Christmas is a time where people as special and act differently but the only people that ever get ahead are the ones that look out for themselves!"

"And so Brittabot had to die so you could look out for yourself?" Troy Soldier said.

"No! It wasn't… BallerAnnie… you believe me don't you? You were making up a speech about how I could be a good toy too right?"

"I was wrong," BallerAnnie shook her head. "I thought all toys deserved to be given away… but you belonged on that peninsula."

Off in the distance they heard the toot of a train horn and they looked up to see the locomotive chugging along the tracks. BallerAnnie pursed her lips. It didn't feel right leaving now. Not after what had just happened. Duncan had won.

"Wait!" Troy Soldier said. "We have to go! We have to get to Santa!"

"But Brittabot…"

"She's a broken toy! Santa can fix anything! We just have to get to him in time!"

"He's right!" Baby Doll Shirley said. "We have to move!"

"Let's go!" Jeff-in-the-Box said but Teddy Pierce knocked him over.

"Not so fast!" the bear said. "You're not coming! This all happened because of you!"

"No! You have to let me go!" Jeff-in-the-Box said. "You don't understand… Duncan-"

"Just go!" Teddy Pierce said. "I'll keep him away so he can't ruin anything else!"

BallerAnnie nodded and set off. The train was getting closer and she had to run at full speed if she stood a chance at all. Troy Soldier kept up as well, but Baby Doll Shirley kept falling behind because of her tiny baby legs. After stopping for her a few times she finally shook her head.

"You two go ahead," she said. "I can't keep up. Just make sure you get St. Nick back here on the double!"

Reluctantly, but more determined than ever, BallerAnnie and Troy Soldier sprinted ahead. The train came into view, rounding the corner of the mountain. With all the grace and speed of the ballerina that she was, BallerAnnie leaped onboard, followed by Troy Soldier doing some sort of cool ninja move!

Together they panted and caught their breath as they took a seat on the train. BallerAnnie couldn't help but look down at herself. Some of her paint had smeared and smudged, and she had a few small cracks in her casings. She must have looked terrible. Troy Soldier only looked slightly better. His soldier uniform had torn and his hat was missing a piece of plastic out of it. Santa would have to work extra hard to find a place for them now.

"We're… we're going to make it," Troy Soldier said. "I know it."

"I hope so," BallerAnnie said, gazing out the window where the bay could just barely be seen. "I'm… I'm sorry about Brittabot."

"I'm sorry about Jeff-in-the-Box," he said. "He really said we should all try to find a place together?"

"Yeah," BallerAnnie shrugged. "Whatever that means now… I don't know… I liked the idea at the time. All of us together felt good. Like family, like Christmas."

"Almost," Troy Soldier said. "Something was missing… or someone. But I think I know what you mean. But we'll be at Santa's workshop soon and maybe it can still happen… just without Jeff-in-the-Box."

"Yeah," BallerAnnie said.

Suddenly the train shook and rocked. Troy Soldier and BallerAnnie ran to the front of the car but didn't see anything. It shook again… then started slowing down. They scrambled up the ladder to the top of the train car to learn what was happing. Only to see their car had decoupled from the engine. And there, atop the car that carried the coal… was Jeff-in-the-Box.

"What are you doing!?" BallerAnnie yelled over the wind.

"You're the worst toy in the world!" Troy Soldier said.

"I know!" Jeff-in-the-Box said then launched his upper half across gulf between the trains. He latched onto their car just before he would have been out of reach and his spring started uncoiling as the distance widened.

"Okay now I'm really confused!" Troy Soldier said.

"D… Duncan sabotaged the train!" Jeff-in-the-Box grunted as he held on. "BallerAnnie! You have to walk across on my spring! It's the only way you'll get to Santa Claus!"

"How did you even get here?" BallerAnnie said.

"It doesn't matter!" Jeff-in-the-Box said, his spring had nearly completely uncoiled now. "Just go or it will be too late!"

"I don't trust you!"

"You don't have a choice! BallerAnnie please! I want to be wrong for once in my life. I said that we would never make it! You believe in Christmas and I believe in you! Go!"

"He's right," Troy Soldier said. "Make it all the way to the end!"

BallerAnnie slowly nodded then kissed Troy Soldier on the cheek before catching Jeff-in-the-Box in the eye. She didn't have time to say anything to him… to thank him, or ask anymore questions… or even say goodbye. She just had to hope that he would understand how grateful she was for him.

With the grace and balance of a circus performer, she placed her feet on the spring, now a taunt wire between the engine and the cars. She kept her eyes forward, noting that Jeff-in-the-Box had strapped his box down so that part wouldn't come loose. She just had to get across, then he could let go and bounce back. Maybe then they could talk and she could punch him… then thank him for what he had done.

The wind gusts blew, almost knocking her off, but she stayed steady, blinking through the snow and the cold until she was finally a few feet away. Then she felt the spring below her vibrating and starting to shake. In the wind she thought she heard Jeff-in-the-Box cry out. It was becoming too much for him. She had to hurry!

Taking a few more steps, BallerAnnie sucked in a deep breath and jumped, headlong, into the pile of coal. She heard a snap but couldn't see anything as she rolled in the coal. Quickly she pulled herself, ready to catch Jeff-in-the-Box. But all there was now… was a box. His spring had snapped, leaving a thin strand of metal flapping in the wind.

She was alone.

Blinking back tears, she made her way to the engine and engaged the train to Bjork speed… all the while promising herself that she wouldn't forget her friends that had sacrificed so much to get her there. She could see Santa's workshop up ahead. He could save them. Couldn't he? She had to admit to being the slightest bit scared that he couldn't. She only had Troy Soldier's word to go on.

Finally the train rolled into the station and BallerAnnie took in a deep breath before approaching disembarking from the train. This was it. She had to have her speech ready. It had to be the most important thing she could say. It was about so much more now than just finding a home.

Her feet crunched the snow as she approached the workshop. She smiled at the sight of warm light coming through the windows. She'd made it in time. She picked up speed and grabbed the doors. They seemed locked, but she wasn't about to let that stop her. She gave them a strong heave-ho and they burst inward.

Only to reveal a nearly empty shop.

Nearly empty because Duncan stood there.

"No…" BallerAnnie said.

"I'm sorry my dear," Duncan said with an almost morose tone. "But you're too late. Santa left almost an hour ago."

"No… no…" BallerAnnie shook her head. "There… there has to be a way to get his attention… to get him back here."

"Do you have any idea how fast Santa travels?" Duncan said. "No, it's too late. But it's okay, really it is. I've actually saved you from a terrible fate."

"What are you talking about?" BallerAnnie cried, sinking to her knees. "My whole life you've done nothing but torment me! You… you killed my friends! You kept me from Christmas!"

"And in the process I saved you," Duncan said. "Here, let me show you."

Duncan lowered his staff so it was eyelevel. At the top, there was a shard of ice, and inside it she could see a young dark haired boy sitting in front of a Christmas tree. His mother stood nearby looking troubled but happy to see her son opening presents.

"This is a shard from the Cave of Frozen Memories," Duncan said. "And it's my fifth Christmas. "Do you see what is happening?"

"You're… you're… getting Paddington Books," BallerAnnie said.

"Yes, I got them every year," Duncan said. "Now look forward a few years."

The image changed and she saw Duncan again, grown up and opening up new presents. Clothes or something.

"Do you know where the Paddington books are?" Duncan said, BallerAnnie shook her head.

"They're gone," Duncan continued. "As soon as I got old enough I got rid of them. Some I threw away, some I gave to a library. But I didn't keep any of them. Or any Christmas toy I ever got."

"Why are you showing me this?"

"Because," Duncan said. "That's what happens to all Christmas gifts. Sure the child is excited to get them when they're first unwrapped, but it doesn't take very long before they grow bored and lose interest. That's what happens. You would get your heart broken by any child that might own you because as soon as they got old enough they wouldn't care about you."

"You… you're lying!" BallerAnnie said.

"No, I'm not," Duncan said. "It would be easier if I was. But the reality of it is that Christmas is as big a disappointment to the toys as it is to a kid. You'll both get excited but in the end it won't mean anything. You'll be discarded or destroyed as soon as they start getting interested in pop music and boys."

"No… there has to be more…" BallerAnnie bit her lip, trying to think of anything to argue against him with.

"The only thing that's left for you is to remain a misfit toy out here in the cold," Duncan said. "You'll never be hurt again and nobody will get hurt trying to go on a crazy adventure. The healing will start just as soon as you realize how pointless Christmas presents are."

BallerAnnie shook her head but every time she looked at the ice shard she saw images confirming Duncan's words. Each year he got older he forgot the presents he got the year before. She could see them in the corners of his room looking completely miserable. None of the joy they were supposed to have brought him mattered.

Then something happened. She stared into the ice shard long enough that a new Christmas unfolded. A Christmas where she stood with all of her friends; Teddy Pierce, Baby Doll Shirley, Troy Soldier, and even Jeff-in-the-Box and Brittabot. Together they all sang a Christmas song full of love and hope to a human boy covered in ice. As they sang it melted and Duncan was defeated. He had been beaten back in this very workshop… it was the future.

"You're wrong," BallerAnnie said… a small smile came to her lips.

"I beg your pardon?" Duncan said.

"I said you're wrong," BallerAnnie smiled, and as she stood, a light from Duncan's staff started to grow brighter and brighter until it began to fill the entire room."We do matter. Not because we're things, but because we're gifts, Baby Doll Shirley asked me what that means and now I know. Sure we're just toys that can break, but when given with a true heart, we're a symbol of love from the person giving the gift to the person receiving them. And maybe we'll fade and be forgotten, but that love… that will never go away. That's what Christmas is all about, love that lasts forever and it doesn't matter what you do Duncan… you can't destroy that!"

"Try telling that to Jeff-in-the-Box, or Brittabot! Or any of your friends that didn't make it here!" Duncan said. "Love and Christmas didn't help them."

"Actually it did," a deep voice came and both of them froze to see none other than Santa Claus standing in the doorway. In his hands he held the pieces of Jeff-in-the-Box and Brittabot. Baby Doll Shirley, Teddy Pierce, and Troy Soldier popped up from his deep pockets and waved to them.

"But… but you're supposed to be on your Christmas run!" Duncan said. "Why did you come back?"

"The light from your staff," Santa Claus said. "While I was flying away I glanced back and saw what I thought were my shoplights on. Well I thought I had forgotten to turn them off so I circled around… that's when I found these toys."

"But… that's not fair! Do you have any idea how hard I worked to keep them from getting here?"

"Do you have any idea how hard I work to do my job?" Santa said. "Now go away before I have Rudolph jab you in the butt with his antlers."

Duncan growled but promptly teleported away when Santa whistled for his reindeer. The moment he did, all the toys clapped and cheered. BallerAnnie tried to remember her speech but all she could do was look at Brittabot and Jeff-in-the-Box.

"Mr. Claus sir… can you save them? Can you fix my friends?"

Santa laughed merrily. "I can fix all of you… and I can find you a home too. In fact I think I have just the right one in mind."

And he did fix them. He repaired Brittabot, he rewired Jeff-in-the-Box. He gave fresh stuffing to Teddy Pierce and polished up all the rest of them, he even fixed the cracks in BallerAnnie's legs. And they lived mostly happily ever after. The End.

…..

"Wait… just like that?" Liza said.

"What do you mean?" Abed said.

"You're just ending the story like that?" Jack said. "Who did Santa give the toys to?"

"Who said he gave them away to anybody?" Abed said.

"That's what they were all after!" Liza said. "Did Santa find them homes? Or did he find them one home for them all to stay together?"

Abed sighed then looked over his shoulder. Their parents stood in the doorway, holding a wrapped package. They apparently had heard the story he told them and figured out what to do.

"Go ahead," Jeff handed the box to Abed. "They're allowed to open one present on Christmas Eve."

"You should have told about this earlier and we could have given it to them for Hanukkah," Annie said.

"Or just any time," Britta said.

"You guys know it had to be Christmas," Abed said. "Especially coming from me."

"We know man," Troy said.

Abed grabbed the box and brought it over to the kids.

"This was once mine. They were the most important Christmas presents I ever got."

The kids squealed with delight and tore open the wrapping. Secretly the suspected what they might be but that didn't draw down the anticipation in the slightest. Once the wrapping was removed and discarded, the box was opened… and sure enough. There they were.

BallerAnnie, Brittabot, Troy Soldier, Jeff-in-the-Box, Teddy Pierce, and Baby Doll Shirley had all found themselves a new home. A new family to share Christmas with.

* * *

><p>AN: Merry Christmas! Especially to Elsiesnuffin!


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